Speadsheet Bible Sliced and Diced Into Statistics and Profits for The New Ignorant Classes in America Courtesy of the Oligarchs, FOX NEWS, GOP etc.

Spreadsheet Bible Jesus Riding Pet Dinosaur "Spike"

Of course you cannot deny the existence of the bones of Dinosaurs, but since the Earth is only 6,000 Years Old in a Perfect Market Economy Capitalist world, and you are on your own foraging for food and seeking shelter under decaying infrastructure underpasses etc., it is highly likely that Jesus, who defends Free Market Capitalism rode a Dinosaur according to homeschooled children's coloring books. 

Jesus would not take a grimy little poor people's socialist funded bus to his preaching gigs. He saved up and used a Cadillac Chariot.

Jesus looked ahead, invested with his local financial adviser in a 401K heavily leveraged into a hedge fund, looking forward to a fat retirement fund.

He believed in this, in the hope that God would bless him and lift him out of his poverty if God thought he deserved it. 

This in case his dad did not ask him to commit joint Patricide/Regicide/Suicide and save everybody from hell etc.

http://thisculturalchristian.blogspot.com/2014/02/spreadsheetization-of-bible-in-global.html

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Congressman Burgess of Texas Demands Federal Protection for Unicorns in Texas

Congressman Mike Burgess with his mail order Christian Medical Degree claims that Unicorns still exist in Texas. 

Fred Flintstone Endorses Michele Bachmann for Presidency

(Des Moines) Fred Flintstone, his stage name, a local actor, is endorsing Representative Michele Bachmann’s GOP bid for the Presidency.

Fred, who describes himself as an expert Fossil Reenactor, was recently laid off at a local Creationist Museum because of the economy.  He currently does children’s birthday parties and occasionally performs at home schools.

“I do the method acting thing. Really get into my subject of being a caveman who knows how to interact with dinosaurs and is of course waiting for the Savior to be born.  It’s a specialty that calls for a certain amount of dedication and consecration. 

When asked why he was endorsing Bachmann he replied.

“Well she is like Shakespeare when she says things like ‘A grain of wheat plus a starfish does not equal a dog, and that this is what evolutionists are teaching in our schools’.

“We can’t let the government shut down home schools and force kids to learn godless science.  Besides, home schools right now account for close to half this actor’s bread and butter. 

Fairytale Christianity vs. Fairytale Atheism

Fundamentalism is a mental disease at present trying to exterminate imagination and creativity out of the collective mind of the human race.

One thought, one truth, frozen, stagnating in time, is one book or many is all that can ever illuminate the world. My book, my knowledge is all that is needed to hold time and the universe back from any further investigation or thought.

Two old fools seem to represent the quagmire of the new Fairytale spectrum of belief systems on this third rock from the sun.

Fairytale Christian Fundamentalist Harold Camping with his billion dollar god business, after a lifetime of reading the funny book can’t even determine a train schedule from Heaven for his Roman pagan god Jesus. Are you stupid or something dude? Typical greedy carnie media preacher!

Jesus of Nazareth in Matthew, Mark and Luke is totally different from the Roman god Jesus in Revelation, a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy type text.  Was John of Patmos a wizard and or science fiction writer (snort, snort)?

Fairytale Atheist Cosmologist Stephen Hawking, after a lifetime of study of the infiniteness of the cosmos, is determined to state that there is nothing passed this life.

Both are fools. Both are fucktards. Both should be banned from decent company or social intercourse by the media.

Both are addicted to what is written in books by other people or those they have authored themselves.

Facts are only facts if they are written down by religious lunatics or by the new age wizards and or alchemists known as scientists. Both have absolutely no imagination. Both make idols out of one book or many books.

Both are morons IMHO.

So, if you are fundamentalist the world must end yesterday. God’s big six day experiment has to be erased. The experiment was a failure. Time to abort the experiment. Abortion is this one instance is a virtue instead of a vice?

So, if you are the smartest man in the world, the cosmos just happened by accident and the one ten billionth of a fraction of possible knowledge of the universe in books is all that science at this present time can fathom. But it is enough to say that there are no other possibilities or that time, space and or a creator have any other plans than those formulated by one Oxford Cambridge man.

Bullshit! Stephen Hawking you asshole!

The old high priests, the religionists are no different from the new wizards of the age, the scientists.

Jesus rides dinosaurs and Heaven has been foreclosed on (written off by a slide rule) .

Live with it!

The middle ages have officially returned.

Ignorance, on both sides of the human spectrum, rules the world!

Enjoy.

Of gods, Monsters and Intelligent Design?

I don’t know what to make of all the fake science that is trying to get endorsed or believed these days.

Intelligent Design is supposed to tell us that the universe is not a random chaotic thing, which it is. They would have you believe that there is an intelligent design (by God) to the whole mess. The Vatican and or its German speaking surrogates such as Cardinal Schoenborn of Vienna back Intelligent Design.

There is supposed to be some international meeting of minds or conference on Darwin sponsored by the Vatican on the calendar right about now. Don’t hold your breath expecting any intelligent outcome or pronouncements. One critic, the former head of the Vatican Observatory Father George V. Coyne, a real scientist, got fired over his views about real rational science, which is opposed to fake science or Intelligent Design. I don’t think he was invited to this Darwin Conference thing.

The whole folly comes within the realm of Voltaire from his book Candide and the philosophical falsity that this world is “le meilleur des mondes possibles” – the best of all possible worlds. Délusion. Délusion. Délusion.

If the earth is of an intelligent design then why did the Intelligent Designer waste hundreds of millions of years on the Dinosaur Project ???

The Creationist theory will tell you that the Bible, being the exact and perfect world of God, proves that science is wrong in determining the age of the earth. They will tell you that all physical evidence must fit into the five thousand year old timeframe of the Bible. That is why if you stop off at some GOP endorsed Creationist Museum, you will see our ancestors, as cave men and women, living in harmony with the dinosaur things.

The Bible is a flawed document. The bible is a human document. The New Testament is a committee written document. Jesus changes from a human being to a god in the time frame of three hundred years. Jesus’ words, wisdom, divine inspiration and divine mission have been subordinated to politics since his death almost two thousand years ago.

Did he rise from the dead ? Definitely. As a Christian I believe that. God can do anything including raise the dead. To believe in Jesus is to believe in the higher powers of an evolved, evolving species called man. I have faith in the non-tangible abilities and powers of God and his servant Jesus.

These religious screamers call faith, faith, faith. I do not think they believe or have faith. They need an exact user manual for life – a rule book. If anything, the day to day struggle of Jesus to get imperfect people to listen to his more perfect evolved message for the human race seems at times to have been wasted on many deaf human ears.

So too the flaws of the Old Testament are obvious. The Hebrew Testament does not get written or fully consolidated until after the Babylonian captivity. Along the way to consolidation several non-communicating committees manage to lose ten tribes and the Ark of the Covenant.

Tangible things such as fake relics like the Shroud of Turin or a Jesus Ossuary - speaks of non-faith in the original person and the true message of the teacher of Jesus.

What I have found or sensed along the way of this study of my own beliefs is the negatuve reception or reaction of others to the Gnostic concept of a divine spark within. Negative belief too in the possiblility of Jesus as a bearer or in his own recognition of that divinity. The role of bearer and of recognition connotes great responsibility to go forward in life as bearer of the light of God within and with that light to be given freely to others. Few of us now or in the generations past have come close to the ideal of Jesus as evolved enlightened being and creation of God.

There is hope - the human race continues and “Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”…(W.B.Yeats)

The problem with the Gnostic belief approach is that 99.9% of humanity do not seem to want responsibility. They want to be sheep and they want to be led. As such, the P.T.Barnum types in the Vatican and the far right fundamentalists need road shows, conferences, freak shows, museums, literal interpretation of myths - tangible proof of their so-called faith – which is not faith but seems so much more like superstition.

The show goes on.

Popcorn! Peanuts! Cotton Candy!

Christian Creation Myth ?

One of the menu items I think irrelevant as part of my 20% discounted smorgasbord Christianity is the concept of Original Sin.

All primitive societies have their creation myths but I do not quite understand the Judeo-Christian myth of creation.

First of all I wonder why God wasted tens of millions of years on the dinosaur experiment. Failed experiment or necessary to create fossil fuels to poison the present environment?

And then the final most perfect experiment is man. Man is somehow incomplete so you make him a helper with a birth out of a his ribcage. Sounds like the Sci-fi movie “Alien”. Pop! But man who cannot stand pain gets to give birth while asleep or in an anaesthetised state. (Wimp!)

The helper, the female thing, gets the run of the landscape but is told along with her hubby not to touch or eat the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge.

Like all children who are told not to do anything (human nature), they, Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit.

God who gives his new creation “free will” gets pissed off at this experiment when it exercises that free will and throws it (Adam and Eve) out of his laboratory called “Paradise”.

God does not immediately eliminate his failed experiment of man like his failed experiment with the dinosaurs. Mankind waits around for “the end” that has not arrived yet on the calendar.

Because “We failed” and not the experimenter, we have to suffer in a world that is quite hostile and “We” as part of this half-assed creation myth should be ashamed of ourselves and we need saving (?) as a result ???

Now that fundamentalist Christians are starting Creation Museums to show that the dinosaurs lived side by side with our caveman ancestors, I am waiting for the true end of western civilization when the hottest Christmas toy one year is Jesus riding on the back of a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex. (My apologies to Jesus and little Rex on that thought.)

Have a nice inferior failed experiment day!