Company Memo
From: On Top
Subject: Employee Oaths, CONFIDENTIAL
...
With the
guarantee at Chick-Phil-A that no queer chicken is sold at our pure Christian
franchise outlets, employees, besides being forced to the sign the Manhattan Declaration of Christian Bigotry pledge to gain or retain employment, must now
sign a Heterosexual Oath of Loyalty to the company. ...
...blah, blah, blah, etc.
In other words you must now swear:
… I have
always been 100% of my time since birth of the Heterosexual persuasion…
… That I
have never engaged or fantasized about non-Heterosexual activities…
…And that
if I am not now engaged to or married to a Heterosexual Christian, that I will
save my body juices for the Honeymoon coupling without birth control on my Christian wedding night….
…That I
will spy and make notations of all movements of fellow employees and customers
into and out of our Heterosexual Only bathrooms…
…Etc…
…so help
me, the one true pure white meat Christian Chicken god!
(Sign in
ink, blood optional.)
“This in
order to best serve our 100% pure white meat luvin Christian Heterosexual customers with
only the best hand-made artisan raised, killed, plucked and cooked chicken.” As
currently updated and noted in our Chick-Phil-A employee manual.
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